If you want to make someone uncomfortable, compliment them.
Seriously, it’s much nicer to get anon love than anon hate, but I keep thinking “crap people will think I’m actively encouraging people to think of me as this amazing person, and I’m not" or "how do I deserve this?" or "I can’t be as nice as people think I am" or other things like that. Sometimes I do think it’s literally true that people see me as a better person than I am (because they only see certain sides of me, online), but other times I think I’m just uncomfortable with compliments, like, apparently, most people are.
➸ ASAN Statement on Abuse of the Land Twins and recent Washington Post coverage | Autistic Self Advocacy Network
The Autistic Self Advocacy Network is deeply concerned by both the recent case of abuse in Rockville, Maryland and the Washington Post’s reprehensible article calling the abuse of autistic adults the “least bad” decision for families.
For the last six years, the children of Janice and John Land allegedly lived in a locked basement with no furniture, no working lights and only a single blanket on a bare tile floor. Left without access to a bathroom, the twins – now 22-years old – were covered in their own feces and urine. The basement was padlocked and deadbolted from the outside, leaving the children with no means of escape in the event of a fire or other emergency. The parents, who continue to show no remorse and maintain they engaged in no wrongdoing, have been charged with two counts of abuse of a vulnerable adult and two counts of false improvement. ASAN calls on the Montgomery County prosecutor’s office to prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.
We must also condemn the Washington Post’s July 26th article, “Coping with adult children’s autism, parents may face ‘least bad’ decisions”. The piece, which fails to quote a single autistic person, presents the abuse that the Land twins allegedly suffered as an understandable reaction to the challenges of supporting autistic adult family members. There is no excuse for abuse, even and especially when it is committed by family members against their relatives with disabilities. Each year, ASAN and the broader disability rights community remember the lives of disabled people murdered by their family members and caregivers with National Day of Mourning vigils in over a dozen cities. If not for the intervention of law enforcement, the Land twins could easily have joined the list of lost lives. While much of our work focuses on the expansion of services and supports to people with disabilities across the lifespan, we emphatically reject and condemn any effort to present inadequate service-provision as the cause of or a mitigating factor in the abuse of people with disabilities by their families.
There are systemic issues raised by this case. Neighbors report that police had been contacted about the Lands’ alleged imprisonment of their children several times as far back as three years ago. Police had apparently also visited the Land home on multiple occasions to investigate other criminal complaints. An inquiry should be launched to determine why prior complaints to law enforcement did not trigger earlier action. Montgomery County should explore what mechanisms are necessary to ensure that police and Adult Protective Services investigators respond in a timely and adequate fashion to cases in which adults or children with developmental disabilities face abuse, whether they be in family homes or residential service-provision environments.
People with disabilities deserve the same access to justice and the same freedom from abuse as the non-disabled population. Media narratives that sympathize with those who abuse their children set the stage for future copycat incidents, and make intervention by law enforcement and the broader community less likely. We urge a robust prosecution of John and Janice Land and encourage the Washington Post to review the appropriateness of their recent article justifying the abuse of the Land twins.
can somebody in portland please help me get to a hospital? my phone is dead and i can’t find my charger and i really need help right now
i will literally do anything
nobody is messaging me on here or facebook and im really scared and really dehydrated and i cant keep water down and i feel really alone right now and i cant handle this what am i supposed to do
When I wrote that post about River Tam reminding me of me as a teenager, someone who actually knew me as a teenager wrote me privately to say basically, “yep, she reminds me of you too.”
I found her really painful in some ways to watch, because she reminds me so much of some really bad times in my life, and myself at my most confused and disoriented. And yet I also found her beautiful to watch, because she had this potential in her that I couldn’t see in myself at the time, but I can see in my past self now.
Oh and in response to the person who talked about the way abuse survivors are pressured to always recover, and recover quickly, I definitely don’t intend to add to that pressure in any way. I don’t think anyone totally recovers from abuse, and if they think they have, then they’re probably not very self-aware. But I do think it’s possible to not be constantly tormented by it — for some people anyway.
Long rambling post follows.
Yes, I probably would. I don’t think I’d rule anyone out by neurotype.
People think that sharing a neurotype causes understanding and consideration. It doesn’t. It can contribute to mutual understand and mutual respect, but it’s neither necessary nor sufficient.
CNN once asked me if I’d live on an island that was all autistic people. The idea sounded dreadful to me and I told them so. Not that I’ve got anything against autistic people, but it just sounds horrible.
Yes. Particularly since the more of us you get in one place, the more competing access needs there are.
We are not from the wrong planet. We’re disabled. And that’s ok.
Both of my LTRs were with people who had neurodivergences (my ex husband who had my exact same traits, my ex partner who had Aspergers). Yes, there were issues of competing needs. It was hard for both parties to get their needs met in the same relationship. I suspect it was as much due to personalities as neurotypes. With my ex-husband, the problem was that he wanted his issues to run the relationship and dictate my life as well, whereas I had the same issues and wanted to be rid of the issues (I entered therapy and got medication). We lasted all of a year. Finally though, a relationship isn’t just “finding the right person”, it’s actively creating a relationship between two people.
Yeah both of my relationships were with neurodivergent people as well. Not the same neurodiverigences I had (even if it sometimes could have had the same names, it still wasn’t the same variety of that same thing, if that makes any sense), but definitely neurodivergences. But I don’t think being neurodivergent is necessary to be my partner, it just ended up that way the only two times I got into a relationship.
I think it’s more likely that I’d end up with someone neurodivergent just because totally nondisabled people aren’t usually in my life in general, for some reason. But I’d never rule someone out for being NT, I just don’t find it as likely that an NT would end up exposed to me long enough to form that kind of relationship. I don’t know why all my friends are disabled, but they are. Maybe because there’s certain things they understand and tolerate about me that nondisabled people would have a harder time with, I don’t know. It’s not that I engineered things this way. But I also don’t think being disabled necessarily means I’ll get along with someone better, it’s more like being nondisabled means it’s more likely someone will be too ableist to put up with certain things about being my friend. (Especially the part where I forget about even my closest friends’ existence for months at a time. It takes a lot of understanding to not take that personally. And I’m sure there’s nondisabled people who could learn not to take it personally, but I think they’d have a harder time with that.)
So I think it’s more likely that I’d end up with a neurodivergent person, but not because I’d in any way object to an NT. Just because all my friends tend to be neurodivergent in some way, for whatever reason. As I said, I didn’t plan it like this, it just happened. I do think I find it easier to get along with certain kinds of neurodivergent people, than I get along with most NTs, and that may explain the way my friendships have ended up. But there’s other kinds of neurodivergent people I tend to find harder to get along with than I do most NTs. So…yeah.
Thank you C.
For the gum and the earphones. They are both wonderful. Having a supply of that kind of gum will spare me a lot of walking back and forth to the convenience store, because that’s one of my ‘staple’ gums. And the earphones are pretty amazing, they make everything sound better and they seem to suppress noise from my environment more than usual earphones do. So I’m wearing them even just to listen to music and watch videos that I’d normally use my computer speakers for. They make the music sound amazing. I think I’m used to really crappy earphones or something, because I know these were not super-expensive or anything but the quality improvement from my old ones (which were actually more expensive than this) is several orders of magnitude.
As always I’m incredibly grateful and slightly surprised.
I hurt my leg AGAIN.
So I injured my left leg again. I was walking along and my ankle just twisted under me and I went down for no apparent reason. At least this time it wasn’t my fault. (Last time I injured my leg it was doing something the physical therapist had told me not to do, about five minutes after she told me not to do it, so I can’t blame anyone but myself there.)
So now my foot hurts. I think it’s a strain, nothing serious, not even a sprain, from the feel of it. And probably caused by hypermobility, since my joints tend to flex more than they should and my ankles are really unstable without braces.
[Note: I talk about stomach bleeding in the following paragraph but it’s not dangerous stomach bleeding, according to my gastroenterologist. Not that it’s desirable, it’s just not major in any way and I’m not going to die.]
I have ibuprofen, but I don’t dare use it, even though it would cut down on swelling and it’s really the only med I have that would. Tylenol won’t. But with the bleeding in my stomach the other day, and the fact that after the blood came out of my stoma, I’ve had two days of nonstop blood clots coming out of my g-tube, I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t risk another few days of ibuprofen. (Ibuprofen can cause or exacerbate stomach bleeding. I have an injury in my stomach that tends to bleed when even mildly irritated. It’s not a danger to me, it’s just a nuisance. And yesterday and the day before, I was getting like… groups of 20 or more blood clots coming out of the g-tube when I burped it, which is… more than ever comes out. So I need to lay off the ibuprofen, I think, even if it probably did help my leg last week.
I don’t know WTF is with the world wanting me to injure my left leg at the moment. I’m hoping this is just one of those passing things. The knee stopped hurting on Friday but started hurting again yesterday. And now I’ve got lots of parts of my foot hurting. Not the ankle, more like the side of my foot where all the little tiny bones are. That area tends to be the area I injure if I twist my feet, because they fold a bit in that spot where they shouldn’t, and then soft tissue gets torn a bit I think.
Anyway, this doesn’t feel like a big deal, so I hope it doesn’t turn into one. That way injuries sometimes do, where you feel fine at first and then it gets worse. I’m mostly concerned that walking on it will make me liable to falling more, even that the injury to my knee might have caused today’s fall or contributed to it anyway. My knee was hurting a lot right before I fell, so it could be my knee bent some weird way and then my ankle twisted to compensate and everything went to hell.
Fortunately there was someone right there to help me up, because I couldn’t seem to un-twist my ankle until I got up.
Anyway, I was able to buy gum and go home okay, so walking on it doesn’t seem that bad. But I should probably be careful. I was really glad I had a cane, that helped a lot getting home.
What would have once sounded like a “far-fetched feminist fantasy” – women forming the majority of a parliament – is a reality in Rwanda.
In fact, women are making gains throughout Africa, but these achievements have been met with a loud silence from the western feminist movement.
I’ve lost my source of income, and I need some help until I can figure out something else. I’m disabled, mentally ill, and basically alone. My needs are few, but without income, I’m afraid I won’t be able to meet them.
Donate to firstname.lastname@example.org on Paypal if you can afford to. Please make a note that it’s for lichgem, since it’s not my Paypal.
If you can’t afford to help, please signal boost. Thank you.
Boosting again for a friend who also has an urgently sick cat right now.
(And I will personally come and dropkick anyone who suggests that poor disabled people don’t deserve animal companions. So don’t inflict that BS on other people, even if you’re mean-spirited enough to be thinking it.)
No, my problem *is* that they locked their kids (adults!) up. I’m scared that this is controversial even here.
If that’s controversial even here, then some people really don’t grasp what being locked up is. Or don’t care. I don’t know which one is worse. But if people start saying this is okay, I’m going to be really beyond pissed off.