November 2010
7 tags
Watch[Video has no sound. It shows me in a very dark part of the room where my face isn’t visible. The window behind me is lighter. The only real movement is my fingers on one hand doing a bunch of different rhythmic motions.]
This is… hard to explain. It’s something my fingers do that seems to help me process information about what’s going on around me, and is also just...
3 tags
7 tags
Why are people ALLOWED to have "feelings" about...
Okay, maybe that question doesn’t make sense in itself. But I just read a post titled “What are your feelings about killing a handicapped child at birth?”
And really, some things are so terribly wrong that among decent people they shouldn’t be up for debate. Whether a particular kind of person should be alive is one of those things. I’m not interested in the...
Why I try not to read stuff by families/staff of...
It is very hard for me to read things even by many of the better parents, siblings, and professionals of people with developmental disabilities. Like it takes being exceptional (compared to the usual anyway — shouldn’t be exceptional) before I can stomach it. Which often makes me think there is something wrong with me. After all, people shouldn’t be in a vacuum of only those like...
back to back with a cat
I am lying on my right side. My muscles feel shaky and weak, oddly matching my brain at the moment. There is a warm spot right between my shoulders and her name is Fey, curled up behind me. And I am happy.
(There are all kinds of happy. This is a kind that only ever fits in this situation.)
Resiliency
Recently a woman I know told me I was very resilient. At the time, I simply agreed. I have noticed over time that I am capable of putting up with damn near anything, at least compared to many people I meet. Sure, there’s an adjustment period, but overall I adapt fairly well. I generally count this as one of my strengths.
But she isn’t the first person to call me resilient or...
Slumdog Tourism →
I was 16 when I first saw a slum tour. I was outside my 100-square-foot house washing dishes, looking at the utensils with longing because I hadn’t eaten in two days. Suddenly a white woman was taking my picture. I felt like a tiger in a cage. Before I could say anything, she had moved on.
When I was 18, I founded an organization that provides education, health and economic services to...
Not writing, bleh.
I’ve got five or six different things I’m trying to write. But it’s not coming easily at all. Even though many of the topics are important and seem clear enough.
Maybe because of how my body is behaving right now. It’s like… well the pain is one aspect. I’m just getting out of the worst stage after a steroid-based nerve block where it throws out pain up to...
Survival
Sometimes I feel isolated when among a group of people who have the dubious luxury of believing that they are not one step away from death. I mean like, one policy change, one disgruntled “caregiver”, one decision by the state, etc. I live every day knowing that anything could happen. And most of them still trust in their middle- or upper-class security (which in the USA isn’t...
“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought,...”
– Frida Kahlo (via thedreamersdaughter)
You Can't Say That →
Common linguistic anachronism list, for people who write semi-recent historical fiction in English.
Nerve block day
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Of course detached from my body well enough not to move or make noise throughout the whole procedure. Had my case manager witness this (her words: “I had no idea it was so invasive”) in case she ever needs to speak up on my behalf when people see lack of outward behavior as lack of severe pain on my part. (An assumption that’s nearly killed me several times.)...
