This is me when I'm not doing the stuff for my regular blog. That means not necessarily as careful, not necessarily as able to do things, lots of things could be different than usual. I don't do trigger warnings, and I have genuine well thought out reasons that aren't just some kind of callous BS.
And I continue to be here.
Because so far nobody can find a medication combo that would let me go home. Even on a purely liquid diet. So I’m stuck in this fucking place. The worst part is not seeing my cat.
I really haven’t been up to following just about anything online including here. Including people I desperately want to write to and connect with and can’t seem to do it. I hate it here but I’m getting used to it. Which is scary in itself.
My DPA says the delirium isn’t over, either. It’s just gone to a low-grade form that mostly makes my mind not work very well. She said hospitals can actually cause it as much as illness can, due to a bunch of things I don’t remember. There’s actually a lot I don’t remember right now — the memory’s there but I can’t find my way to it. There’s blank spots everywhere. Sometimes so many that I get disoriented, and that can be really scary without someone around to say what is happening. I had a few hours like that the other day in between talking to someone and sleep, and it was awful. I kept crying because nothing made sense and everything was so disconnected.
I’ve got a picc line in my arm. Which is what they do when they are sick of looking for and not finding veins for IVs. They somehow (I was behind a drape so I couldn’t see what they did) stick a tube into a major vein and run it almost to your heart. Then they can draw blood from it or put meds or nutrients in. I’m torn between thinking it’s cool and thinking it’s scary. But it’s certainly better than an IV gone bad.
Not sure what other news I have. Can’t remember last time I wrote. Still adjusting to gastroparesis dx. Different conditions seem easier or harder to adjust to. This one is hard. I like food and I’m a semi-recovered emetophobe. Those things make this hard.
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