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Photo Post Fri, Mar. 02, 2012 9 notes

[Photo:  Fey perched on the back of a glossy brown reclining chair, viewed from behind. Fey is a grey cat with white tuxedo markings and a white stripe on her nose.  She is crouching with her head on the left turned away from the camera, and her tail curving down on the right.  It’s night so most of the rest of the picture was dim.]

Sleep made me feel a bit better. But the kind of pain involved reminded me of something that happened about ten years ago.  On this same recliner from the picture, probably a couple years before I took this photo. 

So this was before I had pain treatment. And the kind of pain I have (either nerve pain, central pain, or both) is nasty without treatment. 

Also understand that my cat doesn’t like it when you even drape an arm over her. Or anything like that.  You just cannot leave a body part on top of her without getting whapped or bit. 

So I was in enough pain — 8/10 going on 9/10 — that the world had long since faded to greyish white and I had no physical awareness of my surroundings and felt like I was in some kind of hell where time ground to a halt and pain came from every direction.  I was actually lying down in the reclining chair. 

And when I finally was aware of things again, my head was to the side and there was something soft under it.  So I took a look and Fey was letting me use her as a pillow.  She was also doing the same loud intense purr she uses when she herself is in a lot of pain.  

So all I can figure is she knew how bad it was and was doing the only thing she knew how to do to make me comfortable.  Even though it couldn’t have been comfortable for her.  She’s always been very in tune with my body, more than any human, so it’s in character. Still makes me cry though. It was really the nicest thing she could possibly do.

[Photo: Fey perched on the back of a glossy brown reclining chair, viewed from behind. Fey is a grey cat with white tuxedo markings and a white stripe on her nose. She is crouching with her head on the left turned away from the camera, and her tail curving down on the right. It’s night so most of the rest of the picture was dim.]

Sleep made me feel a bit better. But the kind of pain involved reminded me of something that happened about ten years ago. On this same recliner from the picture, probably a couple years before I took this photo.

So this was before I had pain treatment. And the kind of pain I have (either nerve pain, central pain, or both) is nasty without treatment.

Also understand that my cat doesn’t like it when you even drape an arm over her. Or anything like that. You just cannot leave a body part on top of her without getting whapped or bit.

So I was in enough pain — 8/10 going on 9/10 — that the world had long since faded to greyish white and I had no physical awareness of my surroundings and felt like I was in some kind of hell where time ground to a halt and pain came from every direction. I was actually lying down in the reclining chair.

And when I finally was aware of things again, my head was to the side and there was something soft under it. So I took a look and Fey was letting me use her as a pillow. She was also doing the same loud intense purr she uses when she herself is in a lot of pain.

So all I can figure is she knew how bad it was and was doing the only thing she knew how to do to make me comfortable. Even though it couldn’t have been comfortable for her. She’s always been very in tune with my body, more than any human, so it’s in character. Still makes me cry though. It was really the nicest thing she could possibly do.




Text Post Fri, Mar. 02, 2012 49 notes

That kind of pain where you finally decide to go completely immobile. And it doesn’t feel like it helps. And yet moving is still awful. So you curl up in a ball and try to just silence your mind and wait it out.






Text Post Fri, Mar. 02, 2012 1 note

Ow ow ow ow ow fuck fuck fuck. Ow. Fuck. WTF. I just LOVE pain out of nowhere, sinking into EVERYwhere. Meh.






There’s burning. Everywhere. And ice at the same time. And my body wants to do nothing but in 20 minutes people will be here for over an hour. Meh.





1/1